Even when people get married, make decisions and swear to their partner for lifelong dedication, yet over the coming years and decades they can break their promise. It’s been a long time when cheating was considered as a deal breaker and a mistake that was automatically punished with a divorce. A cheating spouse, especially a man who was cheated was considered as strange if he does not divorce his cheating partner. Ellen Starr Counselling Toronto is the real place where you can get help for your marriage.
There is no automatism between divorce a few decades ago and divorce today. When betrayal is discovered, some are divorced immediately, and some remain together. It looks like a half-half ratio. We increasingly encounter the question of whether to forgive a spouse who was unfaithful, especially if after the betrayal he/ she insists on staying together. What should you do?
The decision should be made by, in accordance with your own values and views on life. Only such decisions are correct. When one thinks to forgive a betrayal, he/ she necessarily faces the problem of trust: can they trust a partner who has already broken a promise? What are their behaviors that increase the level of trust?
When a partner was unfaithful with one person, then it was an incident. When they were unfaithful with, for example, three people, then it is a form of their behavior, and the pattern is more difficult to change.
If the partner refuses to talk about what has happened, if they take away its importance from infidelity, if they behave as if nothing has happened, it is difficult to establish trust. Many forget the simple rule: in order to forgive someone for their mistake, it must first be recognized as their own. Recognizing that the mistake of a person accepts the responsibility for his/ her behavior, he/ she distances himself/ herself from his/ her own procedure. If they show that they feel bad, guilty, such behavior strive to establish re-trust.
A real apology from the unfaithful partner is also very important. This shows that he/ she is aware that their actions have affected the feelings of their partner. The apology is a gesture of compassion, and compassion is one of the principles of love. When we love someone, we avoid doing what they feel bad about, and we try to do what makes them feel good.
Confidence is contributed by the statement of the person that in the future will never repeat such behavior in the future. Of course, no one can forbid them to do things but there are certain rules that need to be followed in every relationship.
But what is also very important is to see your role in the unbelief of your partner. The question that can help: if it’s an unbelievable signal that something is wrong with our relationship or marriage, what could that be?